Lone wolf
Greetings to all the people giving well wishes! And wow the fellow Bantus! No shakin’. I no sabi wey d 9ja people go dey plenty. How far? That’s just a Nigerian style greeting, so no accusations of African cursing on the net. Moving on…
I knew in advance this blog’s focus was to give a real life outlook on that D-League experience with aspirations of NBA… Whatever. The thing is I have to force myself to be patient because I have a plethora of stories and what I like to call useless info cascading through my brain. Like when I was almost killed in Algeria with the Nigerian National team, twice! I think the coolest part of that was Ime Udoka catching and quickly dispacthing an Algerian attacker from behind me. (That boy ain’t close to a punk!) Or the day I got cut from Detroit on the day of travel for the first regular season game. (It was not as dissapointing as it was hilarious). But rather let me give the typical NBADL blah… And hopefully transition slickly to the cool basketball stories… pay-shents.
(Feel free to skip to ‘Rhetorical Questions’ for the good stuff and avoid the D-league rantings).
Oh. Right. D-League. Um… Me, 29. Everyone else, 12. That’s just to give an idea how eye-rolling this is for me. I mean, I try. I really do try to be one of the guys but DAYUM! You can’t tell some of these guys nothing. Do you remember I mentioned the two reasons a guy might do this? Do you really believe some of the participants in this basketball “The Price is Right” are doing this for a call up? The funny thing is… Yes! And they play with the wreckless abandon of a bull in a rodeo to show it. You try give a guy some of the knowledge you’ve attained over the years and try to get them to slow down, relax, be smart. Not only is it ignored with utter basketball daftness as if the NBA has lost half its players to heart attacks and are now in need of 6-foot-3 power forward that plays from a three-point stance, sometimes you are met with juvenile insults.
Insults.
Now I’m in the position where it’s a battle not to get perturbed even though I’m not playing for a call up (we’ll discuss that later) so local consequences are of no consequence to me. However, I can’t be dumb. The fact remains, there are those playing for the whopping $3,000 a month that have absolutely nothing to lose. On the other side of the Kobo, I have tons to lose. For me, it is quite literally a million-dollar investment. Overseas teams are just as critical as NBA teams. My father used to warn me all the time, “Ukpanna majue, o zuru ike na ahuo nnunnu.” It means: the grasshopper that won’t stop jumping will find rest in the belly of a bird. And I’m the dad-gum grasshopper. When a brotha get froggy… I can’t jump.
The other day in practice a wired-up (teammate) (I’ll try not to use names when it’s a negative thing. I have no intention to raze, rather inspire with experience) slapped the ball in my face when I stopped play because we were in the wrong spots. “Dude! Chill!” He looked at me and what do you think he said? All he had to say was “my bad.” Needless to say, he didn’t. Sorry is a hard thing to say but when it’s mastered, it’s very dissarming.
CJ Watson is probably the only name that comes to mind when asked, “who doesn’t belong here?” He’s just too damn good. The other name that comes to mind… Ha ha, you guessed it. But not for the reason you might think. Doing this still remains a bit moot in my mind but it’s more along the lines of lifestyle. I’m not a rap junkie. I don’t wear baggy flamboyant clothes. My southern vocab slang is good, real good. But that’s due to years of practice. To this day, it remains fake. I was raised in the United States, though I am Bantu by way of Nigeria. My entire family, from my parents to my wife, is Bantu. I speak five languages and think in all five (a fact I was just made aware of due to Trent Strickland posing the inquiry). And I am an education advocate. In short, I don’t belong. Never have. No matter how hard I try. I’ve done better by just not talking to anyone. Kind of like putting a wolf in a hen house and the head of the farm are the foxes monitoring the wolf and his behavior. It sucks. And the hens know it… So they just peck away and I can’t eat the… I mean the wolf… Sorry, the wolf can’t eat the chickens because he wants the privilege to one day join the pack. So in this case, laying low would be the words of the day.
RETHORICAL QUESTIONS
I think this is the fun part of the blog…
First of all, I’m a weirdo so I have these blanket assesments that are almost always never true… Huh? But they serve the purpose of satisfying my over-analyzation of the most minute details and making e sound smart. (Did I say that outloud?) Here’s one: Almost all questions a human being can ask are rhetorical, because the answer is obvious to someone or the person asking is ignoring the obvious. See? Not totally true but sounds good and makes me feel better. Why is 30 considered so old in the NBA? Why would a multi-million dollar entity feel they need to tell one insignificant person something to jade his/her perception of the situation? Why is this simple game made to seem like rocket science? The list goes on.
Here’s a pointer that will assist in answering all the questions. Don’t believe the hype. I was told I was too old to be considered for an NBA team this year. Yet I can give countless examples of why the people saying that are just answering for convenience. Of course, no one has ever come to the NBA for the first time after a great overseas career at 27-plus years old. And me being the geezer that I am, I see why Charlotte opted for the spry Derek Anderson. Am I saying I am better than Derek Anderson? Who cares? D.A. is an unbelievable asset to Charlotte and he is underpaid. They’re lucky to have him. What I’m saying is; don’t say that. Just say… Uh no. You suck. A lot easier to assess one’s future with the truth. The truth is age really doesn’t matter. What matters is, how many miles do you have on your legs? And how well have you taken care of your body? Seeing as I’ve transtioned to this raw organic diet thing, I see the human body wasn’t made to age quickly.
Skipping right to the way people complicate basketball. I was going yo use Matt Carroll and Ime Udoka as examples of how players are over-analyzed to a point when people can’t even tell that someone is just good. but after seeing what Kelenna Azubuike is doing… I had to use him solo. Geez! Who the hell scouted that guy out of college to justify him being undrafted? Someone tell me if he was a first-round pick doing what he is doing now at this age he wouldn’t be extended a five-year, 60 million contract. That SOB is killin’! I mean everytime I look at the stats he’s got 20-something. Nna maaaaan! Pya ha utali! (He knows what that means).
Or how’s this for complicating the game. Did you see in college basketball they moved all the players up a spot on the lane! Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously, how ass-toundigly absurd is that? Here’s a thought… Call a foul. I bet if you call over the back a few times guys will hate fouling out so much they’ll stop doing it. Thank you, Dalai Lama. I have transcended the constraints of the daft. Sorry, not to be rude. But c’mon…
I think people may have gotten the wrong idea on this blog, though. I’m by no means mad at the NBA. It is what it is. A machine. I love everthing about how the NBA works. And David Stern? I love him. I mean, I love hat dude. When they talk about Warren Buffet and Bill Gates, Mike Dell etcetera… They should include my man. Say what you will but when they offer a class of Stern Tephlon Chemistry 101, I’m there dude. (Did you see how he was talking to Congress when they charged him up about steroids and the NBA? Classic. Dare I say? Brilliant.) Anyway. I can’t be mad at something constant because it doesn’t benefit me. It just hupas because, to date, playing in the NBA (at least for a season or two) was my long-term goal. So the goals have simply transitioned slowly.
As for individuals in the NBA that influenced my positively or negatively, I don’t wish to bash anyone. I think all people are good at heart. I’m sure the guy I talked about in the first blog meant nothing by what he said. And I’m sure if he knew how it affected my play he wouldn’t have done it. For that reason if the outcome is fruitful, I will gleefuly divulge names. If it is not, I just won’t. See, I read other blogs and I rarely see the point. This blog is not, in essence, about me. It would be boring if it were. The point is to inspire. I want someone to inspire me to do something fruitful outside of myself in experiences I can relate to. And believe me, seeing as how I am what my wife calls a quasi-servant, my life/journey as an NBA “eh…not quite” D-Leaguer, everyone can relate to.
Here’s an example. A fan I saw at the Rockets/Lakers game told me something even more surprising than the fact he remembered me, if it’s true. He told me, every player ever to have a 30-plus point game in the history of the Pepsi Pro Summer League signed an NBA contract, until this year. Yep. Yours truly is now the first to do something. That’s just funny. Sorry it is. Ryan Hollins told me something I could barely make out over his laughter. He said I’d either be blackballed or find a career in writing. To that I say, when you’re out with a beauty queen, what’s better? To be blackballed or blueballed? At least the first assures you of the outcome.
The whole thing about basketball guys complicating the obvious is still in my mind, so I leave you with this skit that will be plastered in my mind if I don’t tell it. I call it “El Elefante en la Habitacion que Nadie Quiere Ver.”
Who says: Anyone see that elephant in here?
What retorts: What elephant? I don’t see an elephant. Do you?
How responds: Nah! No. Uh Uh. Nope…Unless of course you do. In which case I do too.
Who: Well… I think I do.
How and What: Phew! Thank God. We thought we were crazy.
What: That thing is huge!
Who: Well, it’s not that big.
What: Well, of course. By huge I meant small.
And so on…
Shalom!
mike c Said,
November 25, 2007 @ 11:17 am
ok, you are going to get a job as a sports commentator really soon. your story telling methods are amazing. and the reaction of your first blog was so great even a news paper quoted you. oh and dime magazine too, just to mention a few. Bros, i read sports articles and other blogs all the time, but i think i am becoming a fan!
http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695229907,00.html
http://dimemag.com/2007/11/16/gabes-last-run/
http://longhornroadtrip.com/2007/11/17/saturday-morning-fast-break/
Dan Said,
November 25, 2007 @ 11:36 am
i can tell that you are a bright young man just by the way you think and write. unlike most athletes you have your petroleum degree to fall back on and a career as a sports writer and or a sports commentator. so when the going gets tough in B-ball you can easily walk away from it, and not many athletes can make a living outside playing a sport.
I like your skit at the end, brilliant! we as a society tend to go with the flow.
TaDave R. Said,
November 25, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
That was great. So many people try to write like this, but very few can, and you can do it excellently. Great article I liked it. It definitely had some interesting and funny things in there.
Also, as the above have stated, you certainly have a future in sports writing.
Keep it up!
Adam S Said,
November 25, 2007 @ 3:33 pm
Hey Gabe,
I’ve lived in Austin my whole life and I have to say that you were one of my favorite players to watch growing up. I remember talking with my dad about your pro prospects when I was younger and we were convinced you would find a place in the NBA, some way, some how. Keep truckin buddy, you’ll find where your destination soon enough.
Hook’em
Lupe Said,
November 25, 2007 @ 11:19 pm
I saw you guys play the Toros a couple of nights ago; you and CJ owned the charity stripe. I’m surprised you two have not been called up yet. You have quickly become one of my favorite writers(the other is Bill Simmons) in regards to basketball. Keep up the good work!
Shaun Norden Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 6:29 am
It’s so refeshing to read a sports related blog that is…
-not self indulgent
-informative
-well written
-interesting
-And for once different..
Fantastic effort. Although I can tell this was no effort at all for you to write which makes it even better.
Gilbert Arenas should hand over his award.
Don Sellers Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 8:19 am
GM
A voice from your past baby. First congrats on being in the D-League. You know I have been a big fan since I first scouted you. Which brings me to your skill level, remember everything is not about beasting your way through this game, I have always loved your passion and intensity levels, but you are in a league the called developmental. So work on improving the things you must improve to get with the varsity (those 1st and 15th checks look a lot better). It is true what scouts say, you are undersized, not prototypical, but there is one thing I know about you. Your heart is oversized, your passion is oversized, your work ethic is oversized, so remembers why you are here and let me see you become a complete basketball player. You have a great coaching staff there so work with them to develop, my young brother.
Don Sellers
Assistant Coach
Minot Skyrockets
Continental Basketball Association
mak Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 8:45 am
GM how are you doing brother,life in the D league can be an intresting experience. Well i just wanted to congratulate you for this FRESH and really funny blog.I am looking forward to the next episode… Keep up the good work by the way Algeria was fun……
i Fux aka Etheraldinho Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 10:57 am
Yo Gabe good writing holmes! Hey I dont know if you know my Homie Joel Jones Camacho, well anyways a few summers ago I was in the PR visiting and he was playing against you. I told my homies that you were a beast and that dude at the local gym who you hate to play against but love him to be on your team. Anyways we have on tape you banging it on Piruco(sp?) that game. Good Luck and somebody like the Suns should call you up, give them that nastiness and that dude that brings it impeccably hard(pause) every minute. You know the Oakleys(the only BB jersey I own btw), Darvin Hams, Bruce Bowens, Raja Bells. Those type dudes and for some reason I think you’re not being in the L has more to do then just Basketball, 1 hundred homie!
P Funk Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 10:57 am
Great job, Gabe. Keep writing and thinking and good things will come to you, whether bball related or in the greater arena of life lived. Looking forward to the next episode.
Mark Rich Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 12:09 pm
Gabe,
Wow, that was one of the best blogs/articles (etc) that I have read in a long, long time. And to think that I clicked on this link by accident! Well anyway, I’m glad that I did because you’ve got yourself a new fan. Keep up the phenomenal work, and there’s no doubt in my mind that within the next year or so, the entire sports world will be introduced to your brillance.
Best of luck in all that you do!
Mark
djhott Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
great writer
all i am saying is gabe is better than torontos joey graham
elle belle Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 1:00 pm
Parmis nous, chacun s’interroge sur le sens de sa vie
Qu’est-ce qui nous pousse ? Est-ce la quête du bonheur ou la fuite des mauvais jours ?
N’oubliez pas que choisir c’est renoncer
Beaucoup de combats à mener dans une destinée
Y’a trop d’dilèmes dans ma destinée,
Trop d’joies trop d’peines dans ma destinée
De victoires et d’échecs dans ma destinée……..
great song to decribe the ups and downs of life
Gavin Said,
November 26, 2007 @ 3:07 pm
hey dude, I need to hear the rest of that Ime Udoka story!!!
He’s a local favorite here in Portland, total B.S. the Blazers let that real american hero go to the spurs.
Lemme know.
Chris Riesgraf Said,
November 27, 2007 @ 11:40 am
Gabe, you have a new fan.
Not much else I want to say, other than I do believe you’re an original. I’m 24, grew up in white suburban Minneapolis, love reading anything NBA, and hearing from the source, so you can check that demographic off your list. Can’t wait for more articles, insight into the life you’ve lived, and hearing about some of the good guys in the NBA (made me quite pleased to hear that Billups is a guy).
Looking forward to more.
Chris
Adamadu Said,
November 27, 2007 @ 2:11 pm
I left my comment for you on the Nov. 15th blog, check it out. Godspeed
BillG Said,
November 27, 2007 @ 2:23 pm
You really should be a writer, my food is burning on the stove, but I had to finish this first lol! Great stuff.
oru player Said,
November 27, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
GM, great blog. Really agree with you on one point in particular. Kelenna is a player. He should have a 5 year 35 mil contract by next year. He is 2 times the player that Matt Carroll is.
One contention. I was one of the college players you sucker punched in the stomach during a game. I appreciate your intelligence, but I find you to be a winey punk. Maybe your character is the main reason you have not made the league.
MC Welk Said,
November 27, 2007 @ 6:02 pm
Muoneke! I lived in Austin in the late-90s and I still remember when you and Hanno Mottola threw down the gauntlet. Your metaphors leave me ‘black and blue’ with laughter. Now I need to go back and read the previous posts.
Ugo Said,
November 28, 2007 @ 11:11 am
brother…..flog them! Gabe this is great, love it
djhott Said,
November 29, 2007 @ 8:43 am
gabe muoneke signs with orlando
orlando
g-j.nelson g-c.arroyo f-p.garrity
g-k.bogans g-jj redick g-k.dooling
f-r.lewis f-g.muoneke
f-.turkolugu f-b.cook ir-t.battie
c-d.howard c-a.foyle ir-mo evans
djhott Said,
November 29, 2007 @ 8:48 am
oru player, if ur punching guys, how are u whiney punks?
id rather have a physical player throwing the blows
then a person receiving the hits, lol
muoneke, be dennis rodman, dont just make it as a joey graham,darvin ham,najera, player, which is good enough,
buy the machine called the supercat, it is a jumping machine that will increase your vertical 7 inches in 4 months.
u can be the next rodman. u could score more than 6 points, wont dress up in drag, or lead the league in technical fouls, study rodman tapes,
and will see u in the league as a star in 2009-2010
Ken Said,
November 30, 2007 @ 9:06 am
Damn Gabe, I didn’t know u wrote like this brah. Really good article, keep pushing.
Darth Said,
December 11, 2007 @ 8:54 pm
Hey Gabe!! I was a huge fan of yours at Texas….still am a huge Texas basketball fan. I watch all the games (I actually saw you in the stands at the North Texas game a few days ago). You are one of my all time favorite players in college basketball. I thought you were a tough, no nonsense competitor. It’s funny, I was just browsing the internet tonight and came across your blog, which I think is great. You are a great writer. Even funnier, after reading your blog, I got in my car and turned on the radio…..being broadcast was the Vipers vs. Toros in Hidalgo….and the first name I hear is yours (before tonight, I had no idea you were playing in the D-league). I am hoping to follow your games this year as I still am a big fan of yours. I think I can listen to most of them on the internet. The one good thing about the D-league (in my opinion) is that you guys aren’t necessarily making a Sh@# load of money….meaning you live similarly to the rest of us in the united states, making you guys more realistic and hungry (which I think makes the game more interesting….although I know you guys wouldn’t mind making a little more dough) Take care.
Dongbei Hu Coach Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
Gabe, I was coaching the other team when we played on that most slippery floor at Aoshen’s gym in 2003. You guys had the wrong numbers on the score sheet and I argued for 10 minutes to get the refs to do something about it. I clearly didn’t have enough pull. I guess your Croatian coach didn’t either, as I think he was fired during that game.
I now spend most of my year on the road (world, including watching Nigeria in Sendai City Japan) obseving life painted on the canvas of basketball and it is a pleasure to hear your take on things. Keep it up.
A couple of things I learned in the Chinese CBA:
Be carefull of saying “Always” and “Never”.
MVP’s can still carry bags at the airport.
3 practices a day are too much.
China doesn’t fear “Paper Tigers” and apparantly never lose wars
Szechuan chicks really are hot
Gabe Muoneke and Justin Love had the Green Light
Good Luck.
phil dub Said,
May 11, 2008 @ 1:28 am
Maaannnn, Damn Bro… is been a min nah huh…I’m glad 2 see u still balling, tho, i know, i’m not alone when i say the league is missing u, and me too, i still create your image tho, on live or 2k8, and most befitting youre a beast straight x man, uncanny. tho i do commiserate with you about your where else sentiment in the story about you and Ime, breakn boyz off, simply you. lost track of you for a minute. i get by the way info bout ebella, eh now and then…my cousin from kf h.s. were cool. I didnt know u were even wit charlotte… that’d be a good fit..or dat you’d gotten married…i’d reminence wit a joke but its probably best saved for your ears…After years in the A, I’m back in the H.. Not too many people i look forward to running n2 from school but iz good to see and hear a comrade doing well. peace & perpetual prosperity brethren