Basketblueballs
Have you ever looked in the mirror and just had one of those Office Space kicking and beating up the typewriter moments in your mind? I just sit around sometimes picturing myself sizing up a basketball with a bat while “Ghetto Boys” theme music is playing. Then I get to stompin’ that biyatch. Then after the poor inanimate object is deflated, I throw the bat away and get to pounding that Spalding face into the ground until my hands are bloody. I suppose you have to watch the movie to appreciate the humor in that scene.
Trust me, stranger scenes would come to you if you were doing what I’m doing where I’m doing it. God! How often can one man really be wrong? Apparently a whole hell of a lot. So many things happen here in China, you can’t even complain. People will start to say things. I just need a reality show following me around cause, like I said, the things I go through on a daily basis, people will just never believe.
When Bonzi Wells came to China, forgive me Bonzi, the first thing that came to my head is… No way. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I meant “no way” as in, “he’ll see. No way he tolerates this.” Now, I defy you to say it’s only me and ask him what he saw. He came here for 14 games, went home for vacation and said, “Thanks but no thanks.”
He might experience the same colon conundrum as myself in that people will automatically say, “It must be him.”
Don’t get me wrong some guys do just fine. (Here we go) The guys that do fine out here feel they are lucky to play for money. Although they make far more out here than they would make anywhere else, these guys got nothing better to do and would play for food. And maybe I might be looked at as one of those guys, but I’m simply not. I remember teams and agents offering me what they believe to be so much money for a player with my name and giving me the “you idiot” face when I turn it down.
“He’ll take (this much)” they say, “he’s bluffing.” All I ever say is offer it and see if I’m bluffing. I just won’t go to play somewhere for less than I feel I’m worth. Especially an uncomfortable place. Because every time I go somewhere and start playing I get the same question, “Why have you played in Asia so long?” I’ve heard it all about what I make being too much. So the guys making three times what I make in basketball living on a European beach are three times better than me and are accurately paid? I don’t care if someone makes a million dollars a month and I care even less if he’s worth it. If he got it, he’s worth it. So don’t be upset if I get what I get. I challenge anyone to get accustomed to China Basketball and say you’re not underpaid just for getting through it. Details to come later.
Funniest thing is, I make very little more out here than what I made at Tau Ceramica! So Tau obviously felt I was good. I find myself thinking about Spain a lot and how I utterly cut my own nose off with that situation.
Just to clear it up… It was completely my fault I didn’t finish at Tau. I took bad advice rather than just signing what was offered. At the time, I didn’t see it. But now I know not accepting a good deal from a team older in basketball tradition than me is insulting. So for that, mala mia Vitoria. And now look, they’re even better after the Spanish Championship (that I missed) and Euroleague Final Four (that I also missed) than last year.
I asked a former teammate a serious question and I pose it to everyone: Who the hell can beat them? I have heard it in the past and it’s been an exaggeration most of the time but today I believe it whole-heartedly. This year’s Tau team would make the playoffs in the NBA. If not, they are at worst the best European team I’ve seen since Manu Ginobili’s Bologna team. Which brings me to what I think the most about while playing here in China… Pablo Prigioni.
I bet people are trippin’ how I’m actually talking about basketball. I know, I’m lamenting it. But I am in China and there’s not much else you’d probably get away with talking about. I’m always up to date in the policies of the countries I play in. Anyway, why Pablo? OK. I am a scorer primarily. I am a sneaky rebounder and grit defender secondarily. But one thing I can do, anywhere on any level, is score.
Quick…
BTW, I’ve read some of the snide remarks about my scoring tirade in Orlando Summer league being a farce. How is a 30-point performance lucky? 20 points I can see. But 31 points? Just for those people and no other reason, wait until Vegas ‘09. Ever seen a black moon? I’m speeding up, not slowing down.
Back…
So I’m out here in China and I literally can’t help myself from stopping because I feel embarrassed to lose every damn game and score 40 points. I hate it. I had a game I had 48 in the beginning of the fourth quarter and despite everyone cheering for me to score 50, I refused to shoot. We were down by 30 the whole game, for goodness sake.
I already hear it… “He probably shoots every time he gets it.” Well in the Top 10 guys in scoring in China (me being Number 1) who do you think shoots the most? I’ll better you… I shoot the least. Look it up. It’s a fact. I shoot a little more than 20 shots a game. The second leading scorer shoots 33 times a game. Wait for it… 33 (thirty-three) shot attempts a game. If I shot that many times, I’d average 50. Why? Because of the one stat I take the most pride in, I make more free-throws than everyone else attempts. I am simply a difficult cover. But enough about me.
This is about PP. Point guardo Perfecto. Passador al Publico. Professor Periferal. (See how much time I have on my hands to make up new Spanish words?) He comes to mind because of how hard it is for me to score here efficiently. On a lower-level team, all the other teams do here is meet me 10 feet from the three-point line and sag everyone else in. I don’t care where you play, that’s hard to score against. They aren’t kids out here and I’m never even close to to tallest player on the court. When at Tau, Pablo made it very very easy to score. I never had to worry about anyone being near me. Pablo could get anyone an open shot when and where he wanted. I didn’t understand him when I first got there but I learned quickly… Don’t call for the ball or ask him to tell you where to go, just listen to his finger. And if his finger didn’t talk, you were in the right place so just wait. Boom! Dunk. Why do you think the best shooter in Europe (Mirza Teletovic) is always open for three? Have you seen Tiago, Pete, Will and Igor’s FG%?
It’s ridiculous! It’s like they are playing alone. Pablo is 31 years old and he was the only one I stared at while working out in the weight room. I thought I was dedicated. Lil’ dude is from Argentina but looks like a Mafia hitman in the weight room. He could start on any caliber NBA team. He’s that good. NBA has surely come a calling but he may be one of those guys America never gets to see.
It gets so hard to keep getting beat up over here, I remember being wide open and getting hit in the nose with the ball. Man. I haven’t shot an open shot in… How long I been here?
Excuse this uncharacteristically short blog. It’s hard typing with one hand (injured it and I’m about a couple weeks from being back in action). However, enjoy this ever-so-rare international basketball schpiel. In all likelihood, it probably won’t happen again anytime soon. I’d much rather talk about real things that will affect my sovereign state of mind and consciousness much longer after basketball is over with. Things like the consistent whoring of Africa. Like how every non-African country, because of the selfish lack of insight of many African leaders, are being allowed to use unnatural mechanisms of fishing like bombing in African waters. Which in turn is depleting crustacean and other aquatic life to a point which is making the ecosystem unrecognizable (which affects us all). Not to mention taking all the fish we eat to foreign countries for profit.
Or how I’ve been going crazy trying to deprogam myself to accept the high possibility that a majority of what I have been taught (by supposed learned people) to believe is just a lie.
Now all I want to do is travel verywhere to see for myself what the truth is. I’m going to Nigeria this summer for more than just a FIBA African Championship. I want that too, but I want more. So I can’t have my Office Space moment on some unsuspecting Spalding court spawn, yet. But when I’m 35, you tell Spalding I’m looking for him and if he sees me run. Sure he’s taken me to find new avenues to discover more of self than just number 21, 6-foot-7 forward. And even taken me to experience basketball ecstacy in Spain and economic ecstacy in Korea. But you’ve also taken me places I won’t forgive you for. It’s for that that I’m whoopin’ your ass, that sick sense of humor. Laugh it up for now, Elmer. I’ll have the gun again.
ShalObama.
Michael Bolton Said,
February 2, 2009 @ 7:57 pm
It was a fax machine, not a typewriter
Matt Said,
February 2, 2009 @ 10:01 pm
What won’t Bonzi tolerate? Does someone edit your writing? When you read this to yourself does it make sense?
I send this “blog” in a mass email everytime you write challenging people to explain what you are saying.
At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
J-greazy Said,
February 2, 2009 @ 11:23 pm
hey,
I love basketball and I love China. I am nearly fluent. If you need someone to help you transition, let me know. I can get you anything you need in China… If you want mac and cheese I will hunt that shit down. I would love to help you out. I love China. please give me the chance to be your assistant. I lived in China and want to go back. All you gotta do is pay for my living costs.
sethgrant@gmail.com
seriously not joking would love to talk China with you
Lawrence Said,
February 2, 2009 @ 11:30 pm
“At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.”
hahaha
And you are judging someone else’s writing technique. Buy yourself a copy of Strunk + White and start learning please. However, Gabe, get your head straight for your job. You are paid to do what you do. It’s your contract and you should committ to it. Surely, the culture shock and pressure are overwhelming, but that’s life for a player who has never found his place at higher level of competition. Stop trying to make yourself look like a saint, you signed the contract for money and you sold yourself for money. My words can be cold and harsh facts, but you are like the rest of bottom feeders in the world of pro basketball: battling for food and shelter. Heck, any pro athlete is, but one who has skils, does it with ease and swagger.
Good luck in the future
Be real and tolerant.
Perhaps some good traditional value you may learn from Chinese ppl.
Rob Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 2:14 am
I have to agree with the first poster; this kind of semi-conscious rambling is an affront to the English language. But even worse, is the display of the writer’s character (rather the lack thereof). Bad-mouthing the country by innuendo (Bonzi), the country that is supporting you well to do what you like to do best is extreme bad form. You are making the same mistake you made in Spain, you think you are better than you really are, and sloughing off responsibility with excuses (bad advice in Spain and lack of a PG to get you the ball in China) just shows lack of character. Man Up! for Heaven’s sake, be grateful for what you have and thankful for the people who are giving it to you. For the life of me, I don’t know why the Chinese team that pays you puts up with your incessant whining and lame attempts to show manhood in your blogs (the confrontation description — the worst example of trying to show off manhood when lacking any semblance of it).
Last of all, please don’t continue to demean President Obama by including his name in your signature sign-off.
Peter Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 3:25 am
There’s a ton of blue or white collar workers that would love to do what you do. My guess is they don’t get paid 1/2 of what you get paid.
If you say your worth it, fine. But somehow it sounds like all this shit is beneath you while a lot of ppl in the US don’t have jobs or China for that matter. I know your probably just venting but it is what it is.
Matt B Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 6:22 am
Forget the HATERS, you are telling the truth and that’s what I respect. I hoop in Holland and believe me…the culture shock is no where near what you deal with. You are KILLING over there and although losing is depressing…what more can you do?
Lupe Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 11:39 am
I for one enjoy his writing style. It’s unique, comical, and it gives good insight into the world of basketball. Keep your head up, and keep the good stuff rolling.
id Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 1:09 pm
the delusional ramblings of a crazy chucker. awesome. blame the point guard.
themadkiwi Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
Zero respect for the faceless wonders here criticizing your own estimation of your self-worth. Here’s a guy who unabashedly claims responsibility for his situation, clearly has thoughts about his life beyond basketball and is deep-thinking enough to want to experience conditions around the world to make his own judgement on the state of affairs and you rag him?
Good for you Gabe. See things with your own eyes. Anyone who can see the injustices in this world and will have the financial security to be able to afford the time, money and energy to make positive change should be cherished rather than dismissed. More power to you.
ServinJuice Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
I like how you bounce through your thoughts when you write and drop obscure references that are funny as hell to those of us who have been there and drive the guys nuts who haven’t. There are quirky things about a lot of basketball federations and even crazier things that happen with the clubs, but without question China is comin’ strong when it comes to the B.S.
It’s a great thing to be able to travel and experience “truth” for yourself all because of a little orange bouncing ball. That said…it would be nice to see you back at TAU. You’ve come a long way from “the white man’s Atlanta”. All the best!
Tommy Boy Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
Gabe, nice to see that your still a racist punk. And oh yeah, FYI, your not as good a basketball player as you think you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be halfway across the world whining about not being able to make it to the NBA. You definitely aren’t a good writer either…You might as well have one of the “Mouseketeers” from your last racist blog write your next entry for you (in English no less), as it would probably be more coherent than whatever crap you just wrote. Have fun lighting up next season’s Summer League (LOL), as I know that it will probably be the highlight of your life!
Fred Towes Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
Balance, Brother Gabe . . . the journey is invigorated by the quest for living peace, truth and balance. Great stuff on the exploitation of the African continent. Yet do understand that the imperial powers have expropriated from every one of the globe’s lands as such and thereby fostered the world order that so confounds you . . . this very same order that also affords you your living bouncing a leather ball in this world of men. Balance, brother.
Peace,
MT
kidk Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 7:34 pm
Dude,
Respect from a white boy in Sierra Leone.
What you write resonates. You have a style your own. You communicate your message: the heart of writing.
I feel like I’m experiencing a little of the “more” that you speak of wanting to discover in Nigeria. It’s not just African leaders, it’s all of us, Western basketball fans and website commentators included.
There’s way more to understanding the world than what basketball, or the Internet, can teach you. Though, it does seems to be a pretty good conversation starter.
Confused Said,
February 3, 2009 @ 7:45 pm
Anyone else here startled by the fact that the title includes the phrase “blueballs”?
Rheinländer Said,
February 4, 2009 @ 6:00 am
Hi Gabe,
nice to see that you still have some words for TAU. Sorry that you made your way out. We´re looking for someone who can block to raise that FG%. Could be you?
Sad times BTW: Tiago Splitter´s sister died yesterday after a long and fatal leukemia process at the early age of 19. Pray your african stars or whatever china sky let you look to.
Regards
Porky Said,
February 4, 2009 @ 11:46 am
I noticed blueballs…a condition related to the testicles. Does the writer suffer from this malady?
morpheus Said,
February 4, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
Brother Gabe,
I do not know you, but I have grown to appreciate your perspective from your blog. While I am sure you do not listen to the haters (much) as they do not appreciate your stream of consciousness style, I must say it is enlightening to be able to see from your perspective. You actually remind me a bit of Bison Dale (may he rest in peace), on the path of enlightenment but conflicted with the struggles of the harsh, material world. Remember why you play the game and remember your are not basketball, it is only a part of a long path that you are walking.
Looking forward to you lighting up Vegas with your skills. I would love to see you in the rocky mountain review next year, I really think you could land a spot with Mr. Sloan and crew.
Peace.
Lex.
brofmfa Said,
February 4, 2009 @ 9:45 pm
Hey bro, keep up and recover soon.
Shalom.
marcel Said,
February 6, 2009 @ 5:06 am
Why don’t you forget about NBA?
What will you do? play garbage minutes in a bad team? Is that what you really want?
There’s very good basktball around the world. And not all the best players are in the NBA. Look at you friend Pablo. he is my favorite PG, and you are right he could be in the NBA in a top team. We agree with that.
Why don’t you try to be a good player in Europe first? why don’t you start going to a lower team and show what you can do, rather than being in a top team and play just a few minutes.
Few american plaers made an impact the first 2 years they played in Europe. They started in a mid table team, worked hard, and made an impact that brought them to a top team after a few years. Your former teammate Pete Mickeal is a perfect example. he will turn 31 now and is having the best years of his career.
Daquan Dean is one of the stars of ACB this year playing in Murcia… I bet you he won’t be there next year!!!
Stop thinking what you deserve. Just work hard and invest in you future. less money now will be a lot of money later!!
Good luck Gabe!
patrick regulier Said,
February 8, 2009 @ 9:23 pm
hi!
my name is patrick regulier i’m basketball play and i from france,paris i’m also play basketball in china but at a diferent division called nbl. i’ve been here five monhs now and planning to stay in china for maybe two or three the time to get that language sorted.
this years in the friendly game we have done so far i’ve been avarging 38 points per games next year gabe you should hear about me coz i’m planning to try for a cba team next season.i’m in shenzhen now ,people here are friendly the weather is hot here we are in febuary now but today it’s 25 degrees lol. i was wearing short at chismas haha. anyway that is not the point i’ve here five months i’m starteing to speak chinese and stuff and love the life here. so i don’t really see what you mean by saying that bonzi “he will never tolorate this’ or that he saw something??? coz i’m planning on playing in cba next season so i want to know what is so bad about it. what ppl are like there?? i want to know coz that not what i’ve been living here since five months here. hit me up on my msn saw maybe you can tell me things that will make wanna go back play in europe haha. my msn is pat4u_19@hotmail.com
i hope to hear from you soon
holla back
John Said,
February 9, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
Gabe, you seem like a bright and well-rounded individual. Don’t worry about these haters, they couldn’t compose sh#t to save their lives. Keep working on the game and the self-introspection - everything finds a way of working out.
frankie buckets Said,
February 10, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
im kinda curious why people read gabes blog if they dont like? also i wonder what they think is so bad that they have to criticize his writing? (hes a basketball player not a writer)im a huge basketball fan first of all and i like gabes blog for the simple fact its entertaining. this is his blog,he can say whatever he wants fact opinnion truth lie it doesnt matter its his! and for the people who just dont like it quit reading it.
Jack Said,
February 11, 2009 @ 11:51 am
You’re a terrific writer! You write vivid prose; you’re funny; you’re passionate and very, very human. It’s a pleasure reading your unique style.
Ignore the English majors who complain. I was once one of those, but had to unlearn all the stupid stuff I was taught about writing in order to be published (widely, as it turns out).
Tommy Boy Said,
February 11, 2009 @ 2:42 pm
Gay, I mean Gabe, please do listen to “the haters.” They are completely right about you.
Charlie Said,
February 11, 2009 @ 4:17 pm
I just posted on your previous blog way at the bottom.
I really think you’d enjoy reading some of the cultural studies work put out by: Stuart Hall and Raymond Williams. Check out their wikipedia pages first if you’re not sure what they write about.
I’m on you’re side man. Just don’t let Dontae Jones do work on you!
Porky Said,
February 12, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
Jack- you certainly forgot everything you learned in English class. You now have the brain the size of a dehydrated BB.
Jack Said,
February 14, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
Really, Porky? Shall we compare our publishing records?
Or maybe our waistlines?
Why are you calling yourself “Porky?”